05 September 2005

Idiocy guide shows electability

Research by the Foundation of Adenews Research Thinktank has come up with a new model for world politics. Speaking at a top highlevel press conference, Prof Turk E Twisler, Director of the Foundation explained their thinking:
"We have known for some time now that the traditional left-right view of politics wasn't working. The trouble is they are all a bunch of facists. Instead we have come up with a three dimensional array which perfectly positions someone's politics and allows us to determine their electability."
The array uses the degree of idiocy, pomposity and hubris. The illustration below shows where some well known politicians would sit under the new definitions.



"The interesting thing to us," said Prof Twisler, "is that some politicians who would normally be considered allies sit quite far apart according to our guide."
Speaking for election pollsters WORI, Mr Fred L Da Figers said: "This would seem to be a useful tool to determine whether or not the electorate will be likely to vote for a particular candidate. The higher up any of the three scales you are, the more likely it is you will be elected. Those who manage to get negative figures for all three scales are unelectable and probably pissed."