14 May 2000

Republican challenger

A last minute bid for the Republican nomination as presidential candidate from an unknown military gentleman has hit controversy amid claims he is not a US citizen.
Colonel Rusty Hippity Howdydoodee Yopsuree Momsapolpy Votefurmee III launched his eleventh hour campaign on the previous experience ticket. He points out that he is the only candidate who has already been a president. Colonel Votefurmee was president of the South American country of Panadol in the years immediately preceding democracy and claims that his experience of dealing with inner city strife, drugs problems and, in particular, over-ambitious junior officers will be invaluable to the USA.
The George W Bush camp issued a swift rebuttal to the claims he was a "wishy washy, clapped out son of satan" and, launching a counter offensive, suggested that Colonel Votefurmee was ineligible to stand for president because he is a foreign national. The Bush camp points to Colonel Votefurmee's striking similarity with the notorious former dictator, and French Open tennis finalist Colonel Arancha Sanchez-Vicario.