Hauliers' demands

The bulk haulage industry has given Adenews 60 days to respond to a new set of demands. Adenews proprietor, Mr Goosh E Gandyr, says that the online subatomic particle-based e-source information update's stance remains the same.
"We cannot really see what it has to do with us," he said. "Okay, so we called that lorry driver a self-interested twot, for which we unreservedly apologise. But I must remain firm (thanks to Value-Pants product of the month Body Toning Clingo-Film, in handy 20m rolls). We are not in a position to do anything about these demands. Now sod off."

The demands in full are:

1. Shorter roads to make journeys quicker.
2. Unlimited supplies of free fuel and Yorkies to improve profit margins.
3. New lorries all round.
4. Comfy fur lined seats with a nice leopard skin spot to them.
5. More blond hitch-hikers per square cubit decimetre
6. Longer tea breaks.