04 April 2006

Britishness test revived

Undesireable elements are to be weeded out, the government says, using a 1960s test for Britishness.
"We had a clear idea of who we were in the swinging 60s," said Mr E Shopper, a spokesmen from the Home Office. "Of course, the way we interpret some of the answers to the test have had to change to reflect modern circumstances, but otherwise we have every faith in this test."
The main questions in the test are as follows:
  1. Do your policemen carry guns?
  2. Do you now, or will you ever in the future, have to carry identity papers?
  3. Do your politicians regularly exchange favours for large donations in cash?
Adenews can exclusively reveal that it has gained access to the original 1962 marking sheet. It read: "If your answers are mostly yes, then you are clearly an undesireable foreign johnny of the worst water and you will be escorted out of the country forthwith."
This has been changed in the 2006 version to read: "If your answers are mostly yes, they you are clearly as British as they come. Welcome."