02 April 2006

Adenews staff protest over pension changes

Staff at the Adenews offices in Worthing reacted angrily to suggestions that no-one had noticed their three month strike over changes to their pension plans.
"It is an absolute lie," said Mr Horse Durvres, Adenews Editor, "that I have been on a drunken bender lasting three months. I realise that there has been no suggestion of that, I just wanted to make it absolutely clear."
Man Mountain Megapublishing, the company that owns Adenews is substantially changing its pension plan, causing widespread fears among workers at its online publishing outlets.
"Instead of our employees getting a regular pension based on their final salary when they retire at 65," said Mr Grimethorpe Collieryband, proprietor, "the directors will receive a single lump sum payment about ... now."
Mr Collieryband refused to comment on how much revenue his company had lost during the strike but admitted he was thankful advertisers had not noticed the online 24hour update information service was only updating quarterly.
"Our sponsors realise the tangible benefits of being associated with the leading online information update solutions provider," said G C Wotsit, Adenews Publisher. "Their cash-dollar dividend ratio analysis will demonstrate adequately that frequency of online information update is a relatively trivial factor compared with, per examplum, the total visitor visitation rate being a broadly flat proportion of the total predictable market."