12 December 2005

US denies torture claims

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has denied that the US is shipping people to Ruislip so they can be tortured using coloured cement.
"The US is bound by the Convention Against Cement in US mixers and overseas," she said. "We don't render anyone anywhere. I don't know how these ridiculous rumours get started."
UK Foreign Secretary Jackdaw Jackstraw said that the US had not been given permission to torture people in Britain but admitted the CIA had about 4000 flights into the country in the last year.
"You see the problem is the CIA insists on keeping its torture activities secret," he said. "So that means we can categorically deny it's happening because in a way, d'you see, it isn't."
But campaigners are demanding an explanation for a cement spattered warehouse in Ruislip with body-shaped indentations in it.
"It is bad enough that these potentially innocent people whose names happen to be a bit like Bin Laden have cement thrown at them during the interrogation process," said Blue Serkle of campaign group Stop Throwing Unnecessary Cement Knowingly, "but to also have to bear the indignity of visiting Ruislip. Well, it's barbaric."