New tests for the unborn

Foetuses' learning is to be tested at seven months, the government proposed today.
Infants and preschool children are already subject to a mandatory syllabus and testing to check what they have learned. Now the government wants to extend the scheme to the unborn.
"Education is the golden key to making Britain competitive internationally," said prelife education spokesperson Red Iculusplan. "The Japanese are already teaching foetuses differential calculus and it's time the UK caught up."
But the proposals have triggered strong criticism from mothers' groups. "Time spent in the womb should be for gurgling and kicking," said Marian Repentatleisure of Mothers for Smiley Faces Today. "It makes my heart bleed to think of all the testing these youngsters will have to go through in their lives. At least they should be allowed some respite before they are born."
Industry experts are unimpressed. "Employers see far too many young people who do not know how to add up," said Gruff Exterior, secretary general of the Institute for Gruff Businessmen. "Starting the learning process earlier is one solution, but we think it will just encourage kids to bunk off school at three or four, making matters even worse."