Tragedy averted

Another tragedy in the Southern Orient was narrowly avoided today, writes our correspondent Binko Fitz-Trousers from Lynfordchristieabad, when the English and Pakistani authorities agreed allow cricket to continue despite the earthquake at the weekend.
"Bally good show," said Sir Hugo Icestai, chairman of the Travelling Englishman Cricket Enthusiasts Board and Lodgings. "The Bashi-bazooki didn't stop us playing cricket in 54 and neither should a minor disturbance that was a footling 7.2 on the von Richthofen scale."
The England selectors have admitted that pitch conditions may not be perfect. "We've had to ask Spotty Dung-Worthington to keep a very stiff upper lip," said Sir Oppo Figgs, chairman of selectors, "if only so we can bowl the occasional googly off it."