Death for all inevitable

We are all going to die horribly in the next 120 years according to new research by the AdeNews Laboratory for Global Hype.
"If bird flu doesn't get you, something else will," said Professor Doom Sayer, head of international pessimism. "It is important that we build up vital stocks of anti-death vaccine and scare people as much as possible. We feel it appropriate to the situation that the general population feels compelled to run around like headless chickens."

But Prof Sayer feels that bird flu is only the tip of the iceberg.
"We are concerned about a pandemic of upper-storey piano incidents which will cause a far quicker death for those immediately underneath. We are advising the public to steer clear of tall buildings with piano music emanating from the upper floors and we are asking the government to remove the casters from all pianos as a precaution."