Government criticised over food bill

Leading food campaigners today criticised the government's proposed anti-food laws following a cabinet dispute over how far the ban should go.
"The current wording is that you cannot eat anywhere that people are smoking," said Bag E Trousers from LARD, the pro-obesity campaign group. "But the rules will be unenforceable because it is not clear what counts as smoking. Do you have to have a cigarette, or does the mist coming off your jacket on a damp day count? Will unlit pipes be included, and what about boy scouts rubbing sticks together?"
But Health Secretary Patricia Whosit defended the government's position: "Most European countries now enforce an absolute ban on eating and I want to do the same in England so that everyone can look as unhealthy as me. John Reid (former Health Secretary, now Defence Secretary) wants to limit the ban to places where people are smoking. This is purely and simply so he does not have to curtail his meatball habit."
Mr Reid has strenuously denied any involvement with meatballs apart from one incident as a student in Ikea.

Since this story was first published it has come to our attention that the government's proposal is to ban smoking in places where people eat and not vice versa.