Suffolk's obese have hips removed

Fat people will have bodily parts removed to save money under new plans announced today by the East Suffolk Health authority.
"The obese simply wear out too quickly for us to cope at current funding levels," said Skin E Bastid, Head of Accounts at Great Fookip Hospital in Quails. "By removing important parts of their bodies, this will encourage them to lose weight and will have the joint advantage that these parts will wear out more slowly."
A pilot scheme will concentrate on hips and elbows, but if this is successful, the programme is expected to be rolled out to livers, kidneys and lungs.
"Of course, there is a danger in removing these vital organs," said Bastid, "that the fat buggers'll eat themselves."
But obesity lobby groups have reacted angrily. "I think you've got the wrong people," said Artimo Spuel-weavel of the Extremely Fat Club Indeed. "Our organisation's name is ironic. We're all extremely thin."
But Lard O'Lardylardy of the pressure group Extreme Pressure said: "Fat people pay their taxes like everyone else. We should be allowed to live as normal a life as modular metric building regulations will allow."