03 December 2005

Phoney symphenics becomes the norm

A radical new technique will become the norm in teaching children how to read, Education Secretary 'Babe' Ruth Kelly said today.
Phoney symphenics teaches kids to make weird sounds in their heads while hopping up and down on one leg.
"We have achieved amazing successes with the method," Ms Kelly said. "Almost 84% of children are expected to be able to read by the time they reach 16."
But advocates of the rival Looney Tunix technique were scathing. "It [phoney symphenics] takes all the fun out of teaching," said Martha Landinth from the National Union of Teaching Techniques for Education Reform. "Making them stand on one leg may be funny the first couple of times, but after that it loses its appeal."