19 September 2005

Adenews agrees to give up marmalade

After months of careful diplomacy, Adenews has been persuaded to give up stockpiles of marmalade held at its offices in Worthing.
"It is a major step forward," said Kutt Ell Dung, from the North Korean delegation. "For years, Adenews has not even been prepared to admit it has had marmalade on the premises. This despite incontrovertible satellite evidence."

Adenews agreed to destroy its stockpile of Rose's Lemon and Lime and Bon Maman Bitter Orange in exchange for being reconnected to electricity and telephone supplies.
"We've always fought for our right to be considered an independent online publisher and that has included stocking as much marmalade as we wished," said Grap L Inhook, proprietor. "However, we welcome these steps towards a peaceful co-existence with Seeboard and BT and giving up our stockpile is a small price to pay."
The move has not been universally welcomed. "We will be sending in marmalade inspectors to check stickiness in the backs of cupboards and in the bath," said Aaron G Peel of the International Preserves Inspection Agency. "If we find any jars which have not been handed over to pay the electricity bill, we will be forced to reconsider our position."
Correspondents report that Adenews was finally convinced by a US communique in which it said it had no intention of attacking the online publisher, and even if it had, it did not see how 320 tonnes of citrus-fruit-based preserves would help them.